Strange Advice

Sometimes things just make sense. Experimental design comes easily. What the data is trying to tell becomes obvious. A talk I heard in graduate school pops into my head during a lecture, and suddenly I get it. I understand what has been done and come up with better questions. Whenever this happens, it is almost a certain sign that I am wrong.

One might think that is very frustrating, but that is only somewhat true. Invariably, I convince myself that this time I am right. The Charlie Brown in me is finally going to kick that damn ball. I mean, it makes perfect sense. How could I be wrong? Oh, that's how.

I think this is what makes me a good scientist. This understanding that I am probably wrong leads me to focus on figuring out why. Hopefully, I will ask better questions. Eventually I will get it. I.... had better reread paragraph one.

Anyway, one positive result of this recognition is that I listen. I may totally disagree. It might be complete nonsense to me, but I will listen. I want to understand, and I know I may well be wrong. I can still be dismissive. For instance, the vice-director of my department offered the following advice for living in Korea on my own.

"When I first moved to Korea, my wife and kids were still in the States. If it wasn't for my cleaning lady, I would not have survived. You should hire a cleaning lady. They don't cost much. I will ask the secretary to look into hiring a cleaning lady for you."

"Oh, that's okay. There is just me and there is not much to clean, but thanks, I will think about it," is what I said. How disconnected is this guy? is what I was thinking. A cleaning lady? He was serious?

While I was somewhat dismayed by the suggestion, I was also touched by it. I am the only foreign Primary Investigator in the department who is here the full year and is single. The others are either Korean, here only four months of the year, or have a significant other. The result is that my department worries about me and makes an effort to include me in social events. It's nice for the most part but can be sort of depressing at times as well.

I have been hearing rumblings on Facebook about how it is just one big party here in Seoul. To an extent, that is true. This is an amazing city, and I do my best to enjoy it as much as possible. These are the things I post. But the truth is that depression lurks around every corner. Two weeks ago my daughter had an open house at her high school. This is her freshman year. I missed it. Last week was the first time I missed my daughter's birthday. Oh, the waters that lead to a vortex of self pity begin to swirl. Anything that reminds me of 2010 or the disaster that was my 45th birthday... Anyway, I think you can see why I focus on the more positive events to write about.

The cleaning lady advice bothered me. Did I look depressed and in need of help? There is a bar in Itaewon that is my sanctuary. I found myself there that evening. No one else was there, so I listened to a phone conversation the bartender was having trying to convince the person on the other end that her husband was not having an affair.

"That was my friend from America. She thinks her husband is cheating. She is living in the US while he is here in Korea. She asks me because I clean their house."

"Oh, I know how hard long distance relationships can.... wait, did you say you clean houses?"

That was how I hired my cleaning lady which may be the smartest thing I have done in Korea. There are times when I do get depressed, but every Wednesday, this kind lady comes to my apartment and cleans. Every Wednesday night I can't help but feel good when I come home and the apartment is clean (especially the bathrooms). It was strange advice, but I am very glad I followed it.