When in Doubt, "High Five" (Strangers and Stories part 2)

"Seoul is the grinning devil on your shoulder that whispers 'play'. Its teeming night markets, 24-hour barbecues and surging clubs all beg the question 'Why sleep?' - The opening sentence in Lonely Planet's Seoul City Guide

For the past few months I have been on a quest for experiencing as much of this city as I possibly can. Some have called it over-compensating, others a need for distractions. Whatever. Some of these experiences are so strange I have no idea what to do. Usually, I just let my loss for words communicate my complete confusion. Not this time.

A while back a scientist from Japan visited our department to give a seminar. Whenever a visiting scientist gives a seminar, the rest of his or her time is scheduled to meet with faculty to discuss science one-on-one. At night a few faculty are selected to take the speaker to dinner. I was one of those selected.

We went to a Bulgarian restaurant in Itaewon which was very good. At the end of the meal we were discussing what we should do next. Since we were in Itaewon, it was decided I should choose our next destination. Clearly a sign that I spend too much time in Itaewon.

"What do you feel like?" I ask.

"Something Korean. Something that will make an impression."

Well, I am not the greatest Korean ambassador, but when it comes to making impressions I know just the place, Seoul Pub. Seoul Pub defies description, but I will try. I have already posted about the owner's magic tricks and drinking games. It can be a fun place. You also meet a most diverse clientele. Palestinians have bought me shots. I met a man from Guiana. He introduced me to a Jordanian who crashed and burned with the ladies like no one I have ever seen. One night my friend from Guiana took an interest in two Russian ladies sitting at the bar. We had been watching the Russians reject approach after approach once they got a cigarette from the guy.

"Okay, I'm going in," says our Guiana friend as he takes a seat next to them.

I lose track of him as a very attractive Korean woman next to our booth is also rejecting every approach in dramatic fashion. She had been making the 'x' sign with her arms, sticking her tongue out, and dropping her head into her hands. There was a lot to watch. Eventually, no one approaches the Korean woman any more. So, she decides to approach some westerners. Unfortunately, one of the guys must have said something that she didn't like because she took her beer and poured it onto his lap.

"Oh my God! She pushed him," says a companion as I turn to see our Guiana friend lying flat on his back with his arms and legs flailing about. One of the Russian ladies tried to push his chair away and succeeded. Welcome to Seoul Pub.

Since the official part of the evening was over, I decided to take our visitor from Japan to Seoul Pub. He did want an impression. When we got there it was sort of quiet, so we sat at the bar. The owner started doing his magic tricks, and our visitor was impressed. Then we started playing the dice game where the loser pays for a round of shots. After seven rounds of shots we were feeling pretty good.

My colleague's dance got the applause of a group of musicians sitting at a booth behind us. There were four Korean musicians, one very attractive lady who turned out to be a singer, an elderly gentleman who was her producer, an elderly lady who was her manager, and a young guy who was the producer's assistant. How did I learn this? Well, a few minutes later the singer comes to the bar to order a round of drinks. She then grabs my arm and drags me to her booth. What followed was one of the strangest conversations I have had.

Their English was very poor so we would try to translate with our phones which was hilarious. I was having a great time trying to communicate. The record producer had spent a little time in the States and was able to find a song the singer sitting next to me was known for on the internet. She plugged in her earphones and handed one to me. We then sat there listening to her sing the theme song of a Korean TV drama. It was easy to forget about everyone else especially since she started to caress my back and rub my legs. She was very friendly, and I was having a great time.

It turns out that she is a Korean pop star named Navi. Here are some pictures from the internet.

Navi is on the left with her duet partner.

An advertisement that shows how she looked that night.

And here are some links of her performances.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jv2QZ9FKrE&feature=related


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GNLgNtAslLQ

Of course, all good things must come to a close. Navi was leaning against me with her head on my shoulder when she whispered she needed to use the rest room. After she left the booth, the producer's assistant says to me, "This is her mom." Thank God I hadn't taken a drink because I would have spit it all over him. Her manager was also her mom! There seemed to be a very long silence. Then I did the only thing that came to mind. When in doubt..."High five!" I said to the mom. And then Navi's mom high-fived me. I don't even want to know what was going through the mom's mind.

Navi returned as though nothing had happened. My friends came by the booth letting me know they where headed home. I decided that was probably a good idea. I got her number and a good night kiss...in front of the mom. Awkward. I have texted her a few times once in Korean. No response. I guess the mom didn't like me. It wouldn't be the first time.

Beer for Orphans

A friend has started a nonprofit to help send orphans from Nepal to school. In an effort to help the holiday fund drive the next round is on me. If you donate $5 I will buy you a beer the next time I see you. For my friends in Indiana, I will be in the Hoosier state Dec. 21-28. I will most likely buy you a beer anyway, but there is just something about helping education by having a beer that appeals to me.

http://thekumariproject.bellstrike.com/

Happy Holidays

I'm a Mercenary! Bizarre Twists Part 1

I have walked through many lives,
some of them my own,
and I am not who I was,
though some principle of being
abides, from which I struggle
not to stray...

'The Layers' - Stanley Kunitz 

Korea constantly reminds me that I have no idea what the future has in store. Lately, I have been wondering if I had known I would end up in Korea would I have continued on that path. The question is moot, but I like thinking about it. Before I had a job offer in Korea, I was seriously considering changing fields. I wanted to become a teacher and coach basketball. I've also wanted to be a politician, an actor, and a scientist. 'I have walked through many lives, some of them my own..." Ultimately, I know I would have continued along this path because I would never have believed anyone who told me what my future had in store.

I learned long ago that life is way more creative than I am. That belief makes me a little reluctant to impose my dreams on reality. That's not to say I haven't tried, but that usually ends in disaster. May of 2011 is a great example of just how disastrous that can be. Today's post is a minor example of the wonderful and bizarre twists life can throw at you.

Our institute has many events throughout the year. One of the biggest is Sport's Day. There is a soccer tournament, a basketball tournament, and a talent show. Yet another email:

Dear Brad,

 

Thank you for joining our basketball team.

So far, we’ve got 8 members in total including you.

Our first game is on next Thursday from 12:10 PM.

 

Brief rule is as following,

Game period: 30 min with a half time.

When the game is tied, extra 3 min applies.

The rest follows NBA rules.

Ah, NBA rules. Excellent. Two days before our first game we have a practice. Since I am the only foreigner on the team I am worried about my ability to communicate. After meeting the players I ask them, "How do you say 'pass' in Korean?"

"Pass."

"Okay, how do you say 'shoot' in Korean?"

"Shoot."

Damn! I know way more Korean than I thought. Practice was fun. Since I was the tallest, the coach designated me as the starting center. That's right. At 45, I am the starting center for the Brain Science Institute basketball team. There are some potential problems, however. For instance, this is a full court game, and I am out of shape. They also play a zone defense. What happened to NBA rules? Oh well, let's lace 'em up!

The day of the game, the coach tells me the other team is commenting on how we have hired a 'mercenary' from the States. I'm not sure who our competition was. I think it was Biomedical Engineering, but it could have been Robotics or Metalochemistry, ... the giants. Anyway, I felt compelled to live up to that title so I suggest we play a 1-3-1 offensive set to attack the 2-3 zone everyone plays. This puts all of the offensive players in the gaps of the zone. The coach agreed until an old guy showed up and just took over. Welcome to Korean culture where you are to respect your elders. The new coach reluctantly agreed to the 1-3-1 and promptly made himself point guard.

I don't care what set you are in, if you telegraph your passes against quick Koreans it's not going to end well. He turned the ball over five times before declaring the 1-3-1 set a failure. He only turned the ball over four times running a 2-1-2 set. Even though we gave up a lot of fast break points we were only down 2 with 14 seconds to go. They had the ball so we fouled to put them at the line. The 'senior' coach tells us to throw a long pass since there are only 14 seconds. I've had enough, "NO! It only takes 5 seconds to dribble the length of the court. Don't make a stupid pass that can be easily intercepted!" He took me out. Apparently, he understood English. We lost by four.

Even though I was happy with my performance given my physical conditioning or lack there of, I was pissed. I try to respect the culture here, but for someone who doesn't know what he is doing to show up, take control, and cost us the game infuriated me. Perhaps I was trying too hard to show my value to my colleagues. That basketball game was my first chance to really do that. God forbid we actually do an experiment (that situation is improving though). As a result, I was complaining to everyone I saw. "We should have won that game. If we hadn't turned the ball over so often we would be playing for the championship. Now, our department has no representation on Sports day."

To which a secretary in the business office replies, "There is still the talent show."

To be continued...

Please Don't Barf: A Trip to the Korea Medical Institute

Usually, when I get an email that is in English it is serious:

Dear All,  

  

KIST has arranged a medical examination for the all employees.

You can choose any date during 1st of Sep. - 30th of Nov. unless the center isn't available.

You can check the medical center's availability when you book online. 
Korea has universal health care. Since the health care debate (I use that term loosely) still simmers in the U.S., I thought I would share with you my experiences here.

I was very sadden when the community meetings to debate health care in the U.S. degraded into death panel scares. I had been very optimistic since doctors, hospitals, health insurers, pharmaceutical companies, and patient's rights lobbyists were all ready to join the dialogue. How that was turned into 'Obama-care sucks' amazes me. It may well be true that Obama-care sucks. Sadly, the debate never really happened. To me, forcing everyone to buy health care insurance doesn't seem quite right, but since that was a provision to prevent insurance companies from denying coverage, I didn't really mind it. Perhaps there is a better way. That was sort of the purpose of the town hall meetings. Sadly, all I remember from that was how there were going to be death panels.

I have been to the clinic a couple of times in Korea. Both times I told the doctor what was bothering me. He examined me and put me on antibiotics for a week. I was in the Doctor's office less than 10 minutes. The pharmacy charged me 3,000 won ($3) for the antibiotics.

Preventive medicine is very important here which is what today's post is really about. This morning was my medical examination, and what an examination it was. To begin I was told not to eat or drink anything after 9 p.m. the night before. Of course that meant that I was dying of thirst. I arrived at the clinic around 8 a.m. I am given a form to fill out. My favorite question was:

Have any of your family died of the following:
a: Stroke b:Cancer c:Heart disease d:Kidney failure e:other

Unless all of your family is still alive, I'm guessing 'e' is chosen the most. The other questions were if you smoke or drink and how often.

Once that was turned in, I was sent to the locker room where I changed into hospital robes. The clinic is sort of in the shape of a 'T' where the base is the registration and the top is the waiting room. The waiting room is pretty large with several doors to small examination rooms adjoining it. Welcome to the assembly line.

My first examine was an EKG. Then I was ushered into the next room for a glaucoma test. In the next room I had an inhalation test. This was followed by my height measurement, weight, blood pressure, eye examine, balance test, and a hearing test. Whoa, and we were just getting started. They take some blood and then had a sonogram of my abdomen, thyroid and prostrate. In the next room I met with a doctor. She asked me if I had any discomforts or questions. I was with her for less than 5 minutes. I bypass the pap smear room and the mammogram room. Then it was a scan of some sort starting at my head and ending at my pelvis. The next room was a chest x-ray.

The last room was the worst. I was given a large pixy stick and asked to swallow that quickly with a glass of water. This was followed by something like pepto-bismo. I nearly gagged. "Please don't barf," said the technician. I was instructed to stand against a platform. "Hold on, please." The platform tilted me back until I was laying down. "Please turn right. More. Please don't barf." All this time a machine was taking pictures of my GI tract. "Please turn left. More. Please don't barf."

After that ordeal I was told to urinate in a cup, transfer it to a test tube, get dressed and go home. I was there roughly two hours. That was the most thorough examine I have ever had. They do not mess around. I would estimate that there were roughly 50 people going through this process at once. I do not know how cost effective these procedures are, but there were no additional costs to me.

A list of the standard test. I guess I didn't want the fecal exam or the dental exam.

A list of additional tests. To convert to dollars divide by 1,000.

It was a very interesting experience. I cannot say whether this system is better than the U.S. or not. I will say that the Korean system is way more efficient. Of that there is no doubt.

A Million Strangers with a Million Stories: Part 1

In the time between college and graduate school, I took acting lessons. I was substitute teaching during the day and bussing tables at night. On my night off I would recite scenes from plays I had never heard of. The instructor was the woman who produced Timothy Church Mouse for those Hoosiers in the audience who might remember.

I learned many valuable lessons from her. For instance, there is a difference between reciting lines and telling a story. There's a difference.... One requires energy and passion. During the school day I would have a prep period which gave me a chance to rehearse my lines. Awful...at first but then gradually the energy would increase, and things got better. This is true no matter the talent level as I found out last year helping a very talented friend prepare for a Shakespeare Company audition. (An exception is my daughter who nailed the prima donna high school beauty queen on her first try.)

"Yes is almost always the more interesting answer," my instructor would say when questions were asked about the character's motivation. Notice, she didn't say the correct answer, just the more interesting. That has been a guiding principle ever since. I also developed a fondness for beautiful scenes in movies (the opening scene to Sin City may be the greatest of all time).

As I was channel surfing last night, a Korean movie caught my attention. The opening scene started with a phone ringing. A Korean woman working in a cafe answered the phone but only hears a man's voice with a stilted accent saying, "Hello?" Realizing that the person does not speak Korean, she starts to speak English, and a fascinating conversation unfolds.

"Hello, where is this?"

"This is a cafe," she says.

"No, I meant what country is this?"

The camera only shows the Korean woman who now has a very confused look, "This is Seoul, Korea. South Korea."

"I have a friend there."

"Where are you from?" The man explains that he is Polish but is currently in Rotterdam. The screen splits in two as the back of a man calling from a phone booth is juxtaposed to the woman in the cafe. He had been to many cities looking for his friend. Someone told him that his friend was there, but that was wrong. "I think she is in Korea. Her name is Anna."

The scene is so incredibly Korean. "I do not know her." The Korean lady clearly wants to hang up but has to ask one more question. "Who is Anna?" Koreans can be extremely polite and very inquisitive which makes them easy to talk to.

"She is my fiancee. It is a long story."

The Korean lady smiles, "I love long stories." The camera cuts to scenes of Rotterdam as the Polish guy describes the city. It is wonderful. At one point the guy reiterates that there are a lot of Chinese there. "You already said that. Are you running out of things to tell me?" she says with a laugh.

"No, I'm thinking of getting a job here. Can you tell Anna? Can you tell her if you see her that I give up? My phone card is running out. I have to go."

"Okay, perhaps Anna will come for coffee, and I can tell her."

"No, Anna does not like coffee.... but I do. Goodbye."

The rest of the movie was in Korean so I'm not sure what happens. The reason I described that scene is that it is so Korea: a million different strangers with a million different stories. And nearly everyone is willing to share their tale.

Story #1
A colleague's nephew is visiting. Another Hoosier is on the Korean peninsula. He is from Bloomington, just out of college, bright, and at 24 so very green. I was dating someone his age? What was I thinking? Oh, yes. I remember:

Flashback to May of 2010 as I sit with her on the docks overlooking the Long Island Sound. "But this can't go anywhere!" she says to herself as an internal dilemma interrupts a surprisingly romantic moment. She is thinking about where this could lead? She may actually like me! That was as far as my thought process went. I didn't know she was going to Nepal. I didn't know she would never come back. At least not to me.

Fast forward to May of 2011 as we are both halfway around the world and yet still far apart. "You must trust in my love for you," she replied to my worrying about me not being mentioned in her future plans. I realized I did as she said that. I did trust in her love. We had been through so many obstacles, and every obstacle had brought us closer together. It had been really hard, but I continued to feel my love for her grow. And had felt the same from her. Worse, I began to believe that I might actually be her best option. From the beginning, I felt there had to be several better options for her than dating someone 20 years older, but that fear had diminished. A few days later she tells me, "I'm sorry. I just can't do this anymore." Ohhhh, that's going to leave a scar.

Back to present day and the lad from Bloomington, "You guys will probably regret going out with me since you probably won't be able to keep up." At the end of the night he was hurling in a back alley way, and we were definitely regretting that. In between those events though was a good time. We had gone to the pub that has comedy night upstairs. I stayed below talking to the bartender I felt was going to be my new girlfriend. Once that feeling passed, I made my way upstairs.

"Hey, let's go meet some more strangers," my youthful friend tells us, his eyes full of wonder. The comedy show had ended and the crowd was thinning out. Apparently he had met some interesting people and was hungry for more. Just like the movie, this is what happens in Seoul.

We go to Seoul Pub where a bartender there shows us her sketchbook. I don't remember why. I just remember thinking that was cool. We do some shots with our young friend. He goes off to talk to three girls at a far table which opens up the seat next to me at the bar. A blonde lady from Georgia takes the seat quickly. "Your friend is handsome... and you are very handsome."

"And you have been partying for a while," I say with a smile.

"I like to party." The conversation gets more ridiculous. Throughout, I make eye contact with the bartender to ask silently, did she just say that? The lady from Georgia tells me there is a love hotel around the corner. Space is tight in Korea. Many young adults live with their parents creating the need for love hotels. Perhaps another day I would have said yes. It is the more interesting answer, usually. She had nice breasts and was doing her best to show them off, but I just wasn't interested. Maybe I need an emotional connection, or I need my head examined.

"You're not going to give it to me?"

"No, I'm not. Sorry. Take care."

The next day I got an email from the Seoul Pub bartender (I had given her my business card, of course). "Here are more examples of my work. It was nice meeting you and your friends. ...As gift I would like to draw you." I had recently hired a friend to paint a portrait of my daughter. Getting my portrait done seems really pretentious. Giving my portrait to my sister for Christmas seems perfect, so I email her my interest in getting my portrait done. Here is the reply (she is Korean so the English is not perfect):

Dear Brad

I do appreciate for your time to look around my work on web.I am trying my best to represent the essence of each model I meet. It means I need little bit of personal time with each models to get a bit of intimacy and inspiration for better portrait work. I believe to try to have communication with each models made me better human being who can share things more. That is what i am trying to put first beside money and other business thing about painting. But to say honestly, I am trying to quit portrait painting this year because I found myself that I can not mentally deal with sense of emptiness every time I finished portrait painting. To think about person all the time until the painting done somehow very stressful though I love to be with people. So, I am hoping to show another images not only portrait on my next exhibition...

Now that is an artist! Thankfully, she could use the money and has agreed to do my portrait. Apparently, I do not have many good pictures of myself on Facebook, but I like the drawing she did.

I'm a model!

My sister needn't worry too much. I don't think my portrait will be done in time for Christmas. I have yet to sit for it. But next year... I guess my conversation with the Georgia girl started this. Rarely is no the more interesting answer. Unless there are a million different strangers with a million different stories. Then anything is possible.

Baffling the Mystified

I guess you could say I am easily baffled. For instance many years ago I walked into a White Castle restaurant in need of the original sliders. On the menu the price of a White Castle hamburger was 49 cents. Underneath that was the price for a ten-pack, $5.

"Sir, can I help you? Sir, are you ready to order? Are you okay?"

It took a long time for me to respond. I was totally debilitated. All of my cognitive ability was focused on why buying a ten-pack would cost more than ten single hamburgers. "Uhm, hamburgers are 49 cents?"

"Yes, sir."

"And ten are $5?" I was completely baffled. Eventually, several smart-ass comments crossed my mind, but fortunately, I remembered the golden rule of fast food restaurants: Never piss off the help unless you want your pickles pissed on.

Now that I live in a foreign land I am usually mystified. The other night I was having a nice conversation with a new bartender, "What did you do before taking this job?"

"I was a nurse, but I quit because I could make more money bar tending."

Conversation over. I could not comprehend how a bar that may have 20 people there during its 'busy' time could possibly pay more than a nursing job. Maybe I don't want to know the answer (When I go to the clinic, are nurses happy with their pay?). Doesn't matter. I was completely baffled and no longer capable of continuing the conversation.

Now, I thought I was getting a little better at recovering from my mystified state. That was until I decided to eat lunch off campus. I am ashamed to say that sometimes I eat at McDonalds. I like Korean food a lot but there are times I don't want grilled octopus. I also go to McDonalds when I don't want dinner to be an adventure. Don't get me wrong. I love exploring the city and finding new restaurants, but if the menu has no pictures, good luck to me.

Korean fast food chains imported from the US are very good here. The quality and speed of service are quite impressive. I also like that a Big Mac value meal is only 5,000 won ($5). So I decided to go there for lunch. They do speak a little English but not much.

"A Big Mac set." A set refers to fries and drink with the sandwich.

"Uh?" I usually try twice before pointing at the Big Mac on the sign.

"Oh, Big Mac set-eh. Hannah?" They must think westerners eat a ton of food because they always ask me if I want just one. "Hannah?"

I give the lady my 5,000 won...and she gives me change. Uh oh. What have I ordered? Why was it only 3,900 won? "Lunch-eh." McDonalds has a lunch special. Why does McDonalds have a lunch special? Beats me. Oh yeah and then there is this:

McDelivery! 24/7 365 days a year.

When I was younger I would have eaten at McDonalds for every meal, but Korean food has spoiled me. Or so I thought. On a recent date I was asked what Korean food I like.

"I really like shaboo shaboo."

"That's Japanese."

"Oh, on Black Day you eat a noodle dish with soy bean sauce. It is really good."

"That's Chinese."

"Oh, uh...HOW ABOUT FRENCH FRIES? I really like those!"

It's a mystery to me why we haven't gone out again. Well, we actually went out again an hour after our first date ended. That was kind of baffling too.

Strange Advice

Sometimes things just make sense. Experimental design comes easily. What the data is trying to tell becomes obvious. A talk I heard in graduate school pops into my head during a lecture, and suddenly I get it. I understand what has been done and come up with better questions. Whenever this happens, it is almost a certain sign that I am wrong.

One might think that is very frustrating, but that is only somewhat true. Invariably, I convince myself that this time I am right. The Charlie Brown in me is finally going to kick that damn ball. I mean, it makes perfect sense. How could I be wrong? Oh, that's how.

I think this is what makes me a good scientist. This understanding that I am probably wrong leads me to focus on figuring out why. Hopefully, I will ask better questions. Eventually I will get it. I.... had better reread paragraph one.

Anyway, one positive result of this recognition is that I listen. I may totally disagree. It might be complete nonsense to me, but I will listen. I want to understand, and I know I may well be wrong. I can still be dismissive. For instance, the vice-director of my department offered the following advice for living in Korea on my own.

"When I first moved to Korea, my wife and kids were still in the States. If it wasn't for my cleaning lady, I would not have survived. You should hire a cleaning lady. They don't cost much. I will ask the secretary to look into hiring a cleaning lady for you."

"Oh, that's okay. There is just me and there is not much to clean, but thanks, I will think about it," is what I said. How disconnected is this guy? is what I was thinking. A cleaning lady? He was serious?

While I was somewhat dismayed by the suggestion, I was also touched by it. I am the only foreign Primary Investigator in the department who is here the full year and is single. The others are either Korean, here only four months of the year, or have a significant other. The result is that my department worries about me and makes an effort to include me in social events. It's nice for the most part but can be sort of depressing at times as well.

I have been hearing rumblings on Facebook about how it is just one big party here in Seoul. To an extent, that is true. This is an amazing city, and I do my best to enjoy it as much as possible. These are the things I post. But the truth is that depression lurks around every corner. Two weeks ago my daughter had an open house at her high school. This is her freshman year. I missed it. Last week was the first time I missed my daughter's birthday. Oh, the waters that lead to a vortex of self pity begin to swirl. Anything that reminds me of 2010 or the disaster that was my 45th birthday... Anyway, I think you can see why I focus on the more positive events to write about.

The cleaning lady advice bothered me. Did I look depressed and in need of help? There is a bar in Itaewon that is my sanctuary. I found myself there that evening. No one else was there, so I listened to a phone conversation the bartender was having trying to convince the person on the other end that her husband was not having an affair.

"That was my friend from America. She thinks her husband is cheating. She is living in the US while he is here in Korea. She asks me because I clean their house."

"Oh, I know how hard long distance relationships can.... wait, did you say you clean houses?"

That was how I hired my cleaning lady which may be the smartest thing I have done in Korea. There are times when I do get depressed, but every Wednesday, this kind lady comes to my apartment and cleans. Every Wednesday night I can't help but feel good when I come home and the apartment is clean (especially the bathrooms). It was strange advice, but I am very glad I followed it.